Kaliyug is cool

2009 begins, thrusting us even deeper into Kaliyug. ‘Ghor kaliyug’ the elders say, ‘sarv naash’. But I think Kaliyug suits me just fine. Aren’t we all glad we’re born now, in the world of planes, laptops and cellphones?

Which woman would want to be born in Satyug where Sita was accused of falling prey to the Stockholm syndrome (did it exist then)? If Ram were here now, he’d be attacked by so many human rights and naari mukti groups it ain’t funny. And that dhobi guy who apparently instigated Ram against his wife would have been the object of public ire. The media would thrust mikes in his face and ask him for an explanation. Orkut would have hate groups. And the Lord would have to reinstate the queen under public pressure.

And you remember that cute li’l mahabharat scene where the five brothers bring Draupadi home and say, ‘look what we brought, ma!’

And Kunti says, ‘whatever it is, just divide it.”

If that were to happen now, Draupadi would simply have walked up to her and say, “Er, excuse me, ma-in-law dear but I don’t think you can do this to me. Refer to section 498 A of the Indian Penal Code if you don’t believe me.”

And as for the rest of the mahabharat, well, gambling is illegal in modern day India!

Sure those were times when people were to closer to god. And then we had gigantic egos in the form of Rishis who’d go around cursing people at any little thing that annoyed them. Turning innocent people into stones and what not.

Coming to the era of the Rajas and Ranis. Don’t we all know how these kings killed even their fathers and siblings for the throne? Thank god we have the Property Act now!

My father-in-law keeps having these discussions with me about how things were ideal during his time. Ladkis were always well-covered. There was no sex in movies. Thankfully I found some pics of a woman called Nadira. And I chanced to see a few Raj Kapoor movies. I had enough substance to argue. :)

“Look at these whisper, kotex-type ads’, he says.

While I agree they aren’t a great idea, I’d still rather live in this era. At least you don’t have to be shut in a room five days a month. Sleeping on a chatai, eating leftovers or whatever. And the whole khandaan knowing it’s that time of the month for you!

Worse still was the ‘Main kahin ki nahin rahi’ type dogma. Anything happens, the girl has to jump in a well. Father dies, husband dies, in-laws send you back – the kalmoohi has to die.

And there was this ridiculous movie I once saw on cable. Do check it out guys. I’ve googled the name for you – Benaam Badshah. Anil Kapoor rapes Juhi on her wedding night, as she's waiting for the baraat. Wedding's called off, Juhi's barbaad. So what does she do? Smoke him out and marry him.

Trying telling a girl today to marry her rapist! Rock on, Kaliyug. M prouda ya!